![]() People pleasers put other people’s needs before their own. They worry about what people think, want, need, and spend time and effort doing things for people. They rarely do this for themselves, and feel guilty if they do. It’s hard stressful life to live as a people pleaser. People pleasers will wait on saying what they think or on asking for what they really want, if they think someone else is going to be upset with their choice. Yet they often hang out with people who don’t consider their needs in any respect. In fact, people pleasers often feel driven to insensitive or unhappy men and women – often to the detriment to themselves. Constantly seeking to please other people is draining and a lot of people pleasers feel troubled, worried, unhappy, and tired most of the time. They may not discover why no one does anything for them, when they do much for others - nonetheless they often won’t ask for what they desire. This is a lure I fell into. I found myself always agreeing with others, not able to speak up for my anxious irrational fears. I did not consider my own desires, and neither did others. I became a door mat! Not a period of my life I am proud of, to be sure. A people pleaser may feel that if they ask someone for help, if that person agrees, that person is only giving out of requirement, not because they really planned to. The thinking goes - if they really wanted to help, they would have done so, without my asking. This line of thinking is really because people pleasers themselves experience an emotional obligation to help and always do things because they need to. Sadly, people pleasers are actually taught that their worth is determined by doing things for other people. It’s painful being a people pleaser - I know! People pleasers are certainly not only very sensitive to other people’s feelings, and quite often take things personally, nonetheless they also rarely focus on themselves. When they do spend some time for themselves, they feel selfish, indulgent, and guilty which is the reason they are often out and about, rushing to get stuff done. People pleasers accomplish much and are easy to be friends with, they are often the 1st to be asked to perform things - they are prone to be being used. People pleasers were more than likely raised in homes wherever their needs and feelings were not valued, respected, or deemed important. They could have been silenced, neglected, or in any other case abused, thus learning that his or her feelings and needs are not important. People pleasers’ often feel empty, or don’t recognize how they feel, what they really think, or what they really want for themselves. But it’s possible to switch this pattern and for you to feel better on your own. I managed to figure out how to break out of this specific cycle. You can do exactly the same thing if you see yourself in the above description. Would you like to know how? It’s easier than you could imagine! First, practice saying, “NO”. This is a crucial word! Say it as often, as much as you can, just to hear the word come out of your mouth. Say it out loud when you find yourself alone. Practice phrases, "No, I can’t accomplish that" or "No, I don’t need to go there". Try for simple things 1st, and then build on your path up to harder conditions. Stop saying “YES” continuously. Try to pause or please take a breath before responding to someone’s request. You may wish to answer requests with "I need take that into consideration first, I’ll get back to you" or "Let us check my schedule and I will call you back". Use any phrase that you feel comfortable with that gives you time before automatically responding with “OF COURSE”. Take small breaks, in case you feel guilty. You won’t often feel guilty, but most likely at the start you will. Remember that your mental health is worthy of the aggravation you have to take from people. When you are balanced, those around you are going to be happy, too! Figure out what provides you pleasure. For example, you could possibly like reading magazines, seeing videos, going to a new park, or listening to music. Give yourself permission to enjoy those things. Ask someone to help you with something. I know this is the hard one but you're able to do it! After all, all the others are asking YOU for favors, why shouldn’t YOU inquire? Just be tolerant whenever they turn you down. Even though you have always said “Yes” doesn’t mean they will always to give you a “Yes”. Many people pleasers feel that nobody will like them if they stop doing things for people. If someone stops liking you when you don’t do what they ask, then you almost certainly don’t want them as a friend anyway. People will like you for who you are and not for what you accomplish. You deserve to take the time for yourself, to say “NO”, and to take proper care of yourself without experiencing guilt. It’s within your reach to switch - one small step at a time!
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Cynthia A NahinI live in Southwest Michigan and am excited at being able to create and share this blog with you. I hope you return often as I will provide you with many creative concepts that I have learned and put to practice successfully to achieve my end set goals! Believe me, you can do it, too! Blog Archives
March 2012
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